Showing posts with label #Crohns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #Crohns. Show all posts

Saturday, May 19, 2012

May 19 is World IBD Day

 
 
Today is . Spread awareness about how 5 million people globally live w/ Disease and/or  ulcerative

As I wrote in  Letter to my 16 year old self  I have been living with Crohn's disease since I was 16 years old. It is my hope that we soon find a cure for both Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis. Though today is "officially" World IBD Day, in MY world, it is EVERYday. May is recognized as Crohn's and Colitis Month. But for the 5 million of us, it is an everyday battle. I hope to continue to raise awareness, in the hopes that one day ,we will be able to eradicate these life-threatening, debilitating, invisible illnesses.


Until then,





*Resources:



 World IBD Day, led by patient organizations representing 36 countries on four continents, is officially celebrated on May 19.   World IBD Day

Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America (in the United States)  CCFA
on twitter: @CCFA


And remember  ;)






Saturday, May 5, 2012

#HAWMC Day 22: Things We Forget

#HAWMC Day 22 Things We Forget



The Things We Forget

We can all use a reminder from time to time. We’re busy – Health Activists especially – balancing life, health, and online community is a challenge. When juggling so many things at once – it can be easy to forget the basic, yet fundamental, things that we know to be true (or important).


For today’s prompt – write yourself a reminder. It can be in the form of an online post. Maybe your reminder is related to health or well-being. Maybe it’s focused on staying positive. Maybe it’s a little joke that you have with yourself. Maybe it’s dedicated to your community. Or maybe it’s something related to writing (Cross your T’s and Dot Your I’s! – Spell Check is your Friend!). No matter what you decide to come up with – consider it a little piece of writing – and exercise your ability to be concise but powerful.



The first “reminder” I have chosen is an actual picture and quote of Frida Kahlo’s. It’s one which I like very much and would make into a magnet. Or I could print it out and tape it on my wall.


The reason I chose this particular pic/quote is because of the theme which is consistent with my last two HAWMC posts. And that would be the feeling of displacement. Lately I’ve been struggling with the feeling that I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m in a state of transition that for now has me feeling like I’ve lost my place in the world. As someone who is chronically ill and home bound, it’s easy to feel that I’ve lost my place. But beyond that, is also the feeling of being different, broken, fragmented, which I’m sure is partly due to my struggle with depression. Not only do I feel displaced within the world, but within myself. I feel broken.


T


Thus, this quote, ” I used to think I was the strangest person in the world. But then I thought, there are so many people in the world. There must be someone like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true, I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”


It’s amazing how deeply this quote touches me. As I type this quote I not only have goosebumps, but I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. It’s as if Frida wrote this for me. I relate to her in so many ways. I feel so comforted by her words. Like her, I also feel so flawed and shattered right now. I feel displaced. I don’t know where I fit in, because there is nowhere for me. It makes me feel like I’m ok, even though I may be “displaced”, someone else has felt this way too. After all, she wrote that to me, as I’m the one reading it, and I picture her sitting here with me, telling me these words. And I suddenly don’t feel so alone. I feel ok. After all, she was. She led a full life, on her terms, and despite the pain, was unstoppable. I want to be as fearless as she was. Therefore my reminders are that: it’s ok to be different, I shouldn’t worry about “fitting in”. Rather I should embrace being different, being “strange” just as Frida did. She didn’t try to adapt to the world, instead, she made her own place in the world, through her fearlessness. She embraced her individuality. It can serve as a reminder to me when I start feeling overwhelmed and like I’m not good enough.  





 The second “reminder” is geared at my depression. I’ve talked about falling “down the rabbit hole” into the depths and darkness of my depression. Thus my reminder is the following quote:








“The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.” - Brene Brown


Falling “down the rabbit hole” into depression is a very scary experience. In the depths of my depression it’s easy to focus on the negative, on the darkness. Yet, as stated in the above quote, my depression may be seen as shedding light to issues I need to face. It can be seen in a positive way, by allowing me to work on myself, to give myself the opportunity to grow. It is my own fears that “cast the joys into the shadows”, allowing me to only see and focus on the darkness, the despair. It’s common for someone who is depressed to feel that the pain of depression will never go away. To feel hopeless, dis-empowered. Yet it can be a time from which one can grow. Rather than avoid the feelings and that which is feared “the dark” , by exploring them, we are able to see past the darkness into the light, to look towards the shadows and once more find the joy. This reminder will be useful in giving me hope, which is something that is easy to lose sight of. Having Crohn’s, Depression, PTSD, and Fibromyalgia, it is easy to feel hopeless. But it’s important for me to see past my fears, to have hope and believe I will get better.


How do you intend to remind yourself of this particular truth that is sometimes forgotten? What would you remind your community? (Why not ask them to make reminders, too?)


I intend to remind myself of these truths by reading them daily (or more frequently if needed). When I’m feeling especially anxious I will look at this piece I’ve written and if I need to, will also write/blog. I will be tweeting the link to my blog, and also one of the pictures, to inform my “twitter community” of what I’m doing. I will suggest they make reminders in the hopes they find it helpful in coping.









@hipsteralice
April Blogger in Residency
Alice in Crohnsland for

http://www.whatthejules.com/april/335-hawmc-day-22-things-we-forget

#HAWMC Day 19: Dinner Guests

HAWMC Day 19: Dinner Guests





Who are five people you’d love to have dinner with (living or deceased) and why?

1. THE Chronically Awesome Jules (my chronically awesome mentor <3 )
2. Frida Kahlo (Artist)
3. Dr. Burril Crohn (for whom Crohn’s disease was named)
4. Dr.Rachel Naomi Remen (Fellow Crohnie, Doctor, Author, and an Inspiration!)
5. Marian Keyes (Author of fiction, who like me, carries a diagnosis of depression)


Jules is someone who I just *clicked* with immediately. She is truly such an inspiration to me and is also someone whom I look up to. Because of the challenges she has faced and overcome in her life, she is tough, she has a take-no-prisoners approach, she tells it like it is, and doesn’t tolerate b.s.! She is also someone who is not afraid to open herself up and it is reflected in her blogs. She is a tough cookie with a heart of gold. I LOVE that about her. In the short time I’ve known her, she has shown me so much kindness, support, compassion. I see myself in her. She is helping me gain confidence in myself. Were it not for her encouragement and support, I would most likely have flaked on participating with HAWMC. But for whatever reason, Jules felt it was something I should try. She didn’t push me, but she made it possible by creating a safe place for me on her blog. It has meant so much to me, as I am new to the blogging world. I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship with Jules. I have a feeling it is. And I treasure it. It’s an honor to meet someone as special as Jules! I have hopes that one day we WILL meet because she is awesome and I want some of her awesomeness to rub off on me! <3 (Also: Denny and Truman would be guests . They are so cute and I want to cuddle with them and give them belly rubs! That is all! It would be a playdate because of course, as Bella would be there. What? Like I would have a dinner and not bring MY furreh babeh dog? As if! )


Frida Kahlo is someone whom I greatly admire. For who she was, for what she overcame, for what she created. I have visited her house/museum, looked at her works of art, read about her life, watched movies and documentaries about her. Yes, I sound like a crazy-obsessed fan. Yes, I am. ;) I would have liked to have known her in real life, to have listened to her speak. To hear her thoughts about life, about being a strong woman. An individual who overcame the betrayal, of not only her body, but of the man whom she loved. She faced so many challenges, hardships and heartbreak, yet she never gave up. She lived life, on her terms, to the fullest. She was fearless. She represents the woman whom I’d like to become. But there is more to her than what I have listed, what she is known for, what is idealized. I want to know how she got to be so fearless. She had SO many hardships in her life, yet always moved forward. That is the Frida we think we know. But deep down inside, what were her fears, her doubts, her insecurities? Most importantly, how did she overcome them? What made her the strong woman and artist I so deeply admire? What advice would she give me? ( Upon further reflection this is a question which I’d ask all my female dinner guests)


Dr. Burril Crohn is the doctor for whom Crohn’s disease is named, therefore it goes without saying that he’d be a guest at my dinner. I’d like to learn first hand about how he discovered this illness as well as what his thoughts are on how far we have advanced with treament. I have no doubt that my fellow dinner guests and I would pick his brain! And my first question to him would be why he couldn’t have chosen a nicer name for this disease. I know that diseases are sometimes named after the doctor who “discovered” them but couldn’t it have been something that sounded nicer than Crohn’s? Like, I don’t know, ” La maladie de Renoir” (Yes, I KNOW it sounds a bit, I dunno, pretentious, but I like how it rolls of the tongue. Also, apologies to Renoir for naming a disease after him, no offense meant, I hope). Other name options which I’ve considered are: “La maladie de Monet”, “La maladie de Cezanne”, “La maladie de Matisse.” I realize I have spent much too long in my pursuit of renaming my disease (as I write this it I am in the midst of a bout of insomnia and it’s 3:30 am, therefore, I have the time to entertain these thoughts! Haha!) but I really wish there was a more glamorous term for this disease. Yes, I KNOW I’m sounding vain and whiny here, but it is MY fantasy, so this stays! I would hope that Dr. Crohn is not too intimidated by the fact that he will be the only male present at my dinner (oh, my bad, that is not true because Denny and Truman will be in attendance!) I have no doubt however, that Dr. Crohn would be quite entertained by the women because they are intelligent, witty and funny. He would be very pleased! ;)


Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen is someone who I look up to and whose work I admire. How I came to know of her was quite serendipitous. I was in a Goodwill store scouring the book section. I had walked by the store that day and something pulled me in. Anyway, I *always* go directly to the book section (books are MY drug! My life source!) and while browsing, I randomly picked up her book, My Grandfather’s Blessings, read the sleeve and thought it sounded interesting. I started reading it when I got home and immediately became engrossed. It wasn’t until a few chapters in, that I got a major shock when Dr. Remen revealed that she has Crohn’s disease. She went into detail describing not only the pain and suffering she experienced at the hands of living with Crohn’s, but showed the strength and resilience of a human being, determined to overcome this huge obstacle. She did not let the diagnosis of Crohn’s prevent her from her dream of going to medical school. And she did it. Even though it wasn’t easy. She became gravely illl and had many flares along the way. She battled the darkness of depression that those of us who are chronically ill experience. But she did not let that stop her from living, from realizing her dreams. At the core, is a very strong, very compassionate woman. (We ALL are! ) Oh, by the way, this would not be my first meeting with her. In another stroke of serendipity or fate, I learned that she was having a book signing, and also reading passages from her book, My Grandfather’s Blessings. OF course I went! And afterwards I stayed and she graciously signed my book and even gave me the most beautiful inscription. She told me I was a blessing. She encouraged me to not give up. That I have a purpose. That I am special. Isn’t she a sweetheart? Doesn’t she sound like someone you’d like to meet? She is so sweet, very soft spoken, yet she has such a presence. She truly cares about people. She would be a very special dinner guest.


Marian Keyes is an author of fiction in the genre known as “chick lit ” (which, by the way may have the connotation that it’s about romance and happy endings. I am NOT the type to read those books!) but her books have a twist to them. Marian incorporates parts of herself into her characters, and in that sense makes them real, they are flawed, vulnerable, they experience challenges, hardships, which lead them to grow. Some of the books have “happy endings” and others don’t. But they are real. Her books have made me laugh and cry. So if her books are “chick lit” they are “dark chick lit”. After all, not only do her characters experience difficulties, but Marian is a feminist and her characters are strong women. I have always found a character and a story with whom I identify. And even beyond the characters in the books is the author herself, who also suffers from bouts of deep depression. She is very open and honest about discussing both her diagnosis of Clinical Depression and that she is a recovering alcoholic. Here is someone else, who like Frida, like Jules, like Dr. Remen, has experienced and embraced the darkness in life, who has fallen down the rabbit hole of depression. She is very open and honest about it. I’d like to meet her because if she is anything like the characters she writes about (which I have no doubt that she is) then she too would be someone who is not only a lot of fun to be around (as she is very witty, funny and has a good dose of snark) but is able to channel her pain and suffering creatively. She did recently take a break because her depression was so severe that it left her unable to write, but she is now back. I recently found her and started following her on twitter. She lives in Ireland, but I’m sure she would make the trip to the United States to meet one of her greatest fans! ;) (Wait, what?! Why should she come to us? Why not us go to her? Or better yet, compromise! We could have the dinner in Spain! (Tapas, Paella and Sangria Dinner! Nom nom! Yes, please!)


I now really, really want to make this dinner party happen! *shakes fist at #HAWMC for making me fantasize about this dinner* Hmm. It could happen. I could invite the Long Island Medium (I forget her name, but her show is on TLC) so that she can channel both Frida and Dr. Crohn, I’m sure she could give me a two-for-one deal! Also, this would then free up one seat at the dinner table…and I could then bring my date, Johnny Depp! Perfect! ;)





@hipsteralice
April Blogger in Residency
Alice in Crohnsland for

http://www.whatthejules.com/april/329-hawmc-day-19-dinner-guests

#HAWMC Day 7: Health Activist Choice: On being vulnerable

#HAWMC Day 7 Health Activist Choice: Being Vulnerable


Being vulnerable has been the underlying theme for how I’ve gone about writing my posts. I’ve tried to be as open as possible, which has made for a cathartic experience.







What “being vulnerable” means to me:

fear of the unknown
letting go
opening up
seeking help
allowing others to see me as I am
not as I would like them to see me
which  takes courage
 because it means I allow them to see me,
with flaws and all
opening up to my imperfections
and admitting that I need help,
 that I can’t get through this alone
realizing that asking for help,
and allowing others to help me,
doesn’t make me weak
opening up to others
without fear of being judged
(or even better, having the strength to not care what others think about me)
taking a risk, 
even if I may get hurt
risking despite self doubt
stepping outside of the self-inflicted prison
in which I have kept myself for far too long
inviting people in,
rather than push people away
(my biggest challenge, because I do this. I push people away, rather than risk getting hurt. And in the end i not only hurt those people, I end up hurting myself the most)
learning to trust in myself, in my strength, in my courage,
learning to let go of my fears of failure, of my self doubts
embracing the unknown by taking chances
learning that if I fail,
I learn
and grow
stronger from that experience
breaking out of my shell,
living life,
rather than keeping myself bottled up inside

 

“being vulnerable” in order to gain
self knowledge, strength and confidence, so that I may:


start living
start expressing my needs without fear
of being thought of as a burden to others
gaining self esteem
believing in myself
letting go of my need to be perfect,
of being a control freak
learning to live in the moment
most importantly,
to embrace myself as I am,
at this very moment.




What advice do you have for others trying to choose their topic?


The best piece of advice I would share is that which was told to me, by my Chronically Awesome mentor, Jules ( @julianna12369 on twitter ), which is:

” if you are real and truthful, your blog will be great.”

 I have taken this piece of advice to heart, by trying to be as open as possible with what I’ve shared. I sit down and let myself type everything in a stream of consciousness, which has been the tone in which I’ve written my posts. Jules told me to be “real” which I have been, as much as possible (at least, I think I’ve been, and certainly hope that is how I’ve come across…).


Another great piece of advice which the Chronically Awesome Jules gave me is to avoid sounding as if I’m “trying to send a message.” Instead she suggested that I,

” just relax and let the post fall out of you, the message will find it’s way into your story. And not everything has a message, sometimes it’s just something someone wants to relate to. That’s ok too.”

Isn’t Jules great? These suggestions helped take away my fears when writing. The way in which I go about writing is to “get into writing mode”. So far it’s helping to write first thing in the morning, after I’ve had my coffee. I have a clear mind, I’m alert, I sit down and just let everything flow. I don’t censor myself or worry about how what I’m writing will come across. In that way, not only is it coming about organically, but it is also a very cathartic experience. One which I am enjoying.



~~~~
@hipsteralice
April Blogger in Residency
Alice in Crohnsland for




PS: Jules is a bit teared up at the moment. <3
http://www.whatthejules.com/april/304-hawmc-day-7-health-activist-choice-being-vulnerable

#HAWMC Day 6: Health Haiku

#HAWMC Day 6: Health Haiku







hanging on by a
thread that's unraveling
the sun shines on me



The first two lines,

" hanging on by a thread that's unraveling,"

were inspired by my anxiety/depression/ptsd.
Feeling like my world is falling apart all around me.

But all is not lost,
because there is hope:

" the sun shines on me,"

the sun gives me light, gives me strength, gives me hope.

Though I may feel like my world is falling apart, it's not.
Things will get better.
Because I have hope.






~~~~~~

@hipsteralice
April Blogger in Residency
Alice in Crohnsland for

http://whatthejules.com/april/303-hawmc-day-6-health-haiku

#HAWMC Day 5: Ekphrasis Post

#HAWMC Day 5: Ekphrasis Post


Finding an image to use for this post turned out to be quite fortuitous as the first picture I saw was the one I ended up using. Because it is perfect, it is so powerful and I relate to it as that is where I have been and where I currently find myself. In the image, a young woman is staring at a skeleton. To me that represents looking death in the face. In return, the skeleton is holding her, face, and looking back at her, lovingly. (Yes, this sounds like a morbid romance, and yes, it is dark, and yes, it is SO me! Ha!) There is something so powerful in the ability to look death in the face. I have been there. I looked death in the face, and I survived.







Then I found this quote, which further adds to the significance, both of this image, and to how I feel about it:



" You only live live twice: Once when you're born, and once when you look death in the face."
              - Ian Fleming, You Only Live Twice



In the fall of 2010 I faced death. I underwent a bowel resection to treat my Crohn’s which had become unresponsive to treatment, or in medical terms, “failed treatment” (which, yes, made ME feel like a complete FAILURE). Surgery was my only option.


And I was mortified! My surgery was done laparoscopically and was deemed a success. Until about 3 days later, when I started getting fevers, which ended up signaling an infection. Exactly 1 week to the day of my first surgery, I had to undergo an emergency surgery, as I had suffered a perforation, and sepsis set in. Luckily it was caught in time, but that is not to say there weren’t complications along the way. For one I ended up with an ileostomy (which although temporary, was quite a shocking surprise). I ended up in the ICU for about 3 weeks (a time of which I have NO recollection, which severely upsets me, I grieve for that time lost, even though I’m told it’s best that way). From the ICU, I spent 2 months in the Med-Surg unit. And from there I “graduated” (Ha!) to a skilled nursing facility, as I required nursing care to treat my open wound as well as to continue my NG tube feedings (not only was I down to 79lbs, I didn’t have an appetite, a problem which persists to this day, ugh). I spent a total of 4 months in the hospital. I won’t say that it was pleasant, yet it wasn’t horrible either. I had the support of family and loved ones. I never lacked for visitors. And my healthcare team was great.


I can’t get into too many details yet, as to do so triggers my PTSD, which I suffered as a result of this trauma. Suffice to say that given the context of what I’ve been through during these past 1.5 years, I feel that I have looked death in the face, and that I have been reborn. Last year I fell into a deep depression, which is to be expected, given all that I’ve been through. But I’ve kept things bottled up for too long. The longer I repress my feelings, the longer I allow the depression to overtake me. And that is a form of death, yet I want to live. It is an empowering feeling to go through all that I did, and come out of it alive. Yes, I have Depression and PTSD, yet I also feel stronger. Because I am “reborn” and have been given a second chance at life. It feels empowering to say that I am giving birth to myself (not in a new-agey way, haha), once I break through the fears which have held me back. In that sense, a part of me has to die, so that the me who I really am can be born. I feel I am in the process of changing, of growth, of metamorphosis. I am evolving into who I am meant to be.









@hipsteralice
April Blogger in Residency
Alice in Crohnsland for